Today has been a bit rough. I feel as if I have finally had a true opportunity to release Dottie Orenda. And this past week, I have begun the process of really releasing Cisco Terruño. I think I have just been in shock.

Grief is hard. It took a while for Cisco’s necropsy to show as inconclusive. One of the main things I teach is Pratyahara, which is dispassionate non-attachment. That is seriously some hard stuff. And winter is here, so the reflections keep coming. And I have Facebook to always show me all of these memories—and the easy attachments to those memories.

So, I am a little bitter these days and have been sad for quite some time. I have attached myself to the suffering of losing these magical creatures that I never even thought I would have. The high of having them in my life has now reached a low.

Pratyahara gives me the opportunity for moderation. Moderation leads to contentment. Not elated. Not depressed. Just all good. Every day is different—some days better than others. With each of their passing, I bled. My womb released something that allowed me to go back and face more fears. But dear friend Winter is keeping me much company.

Waking up has been trickier since Soleil is also still taking her time to wake. The coziness of the fires has brought much comfort, keeping my soul warm. And the bit of snow we had brought more silence and stillness into my heart.

I find it tricky as a yoga practitioner to teach non-attachment when I know we are all connected—like the roots of the trees. The beautiful thing is the gifts they gave me: Dottie Orenda, my Orenda; Cisco Terruño, the soil under my feet. Connections to my roots and to my higher self that, as a child, I vowed never to forget.

This non-attachment is really the realization that we are all attached because we are all really one. Good wolves and bad wolves still make the wolf.

And last night was my first class of massage school. Touch—something this computer can for sure not give you back. Touching and connecting. A part of my Orenda is to do massage, and taking this training will allow my roots to be planted even deeper into the Earth. Because for sure I can’t get another horse or even entertain the idea.

So this is a hard but good time for me. I am appreciating my lows so I can bring my spirit back into balance.

Thank goodness for Winter.