June 18 from The Book of Awakening: There is no freedom until we dance the ghosts from the chambers of our wounds, until we pile our wounds like stones at the mouth of our own quarries. ~Mark NepoStill dancing with my ghosts over here. We can very much appreciate this Covid of intimacy with the self. Unless we don't want to see it as a challenge to living our authentic life. Autmn is such a lovely dance. A dance of surrender, of letting it all go. Again, unless we don't want to.But I am planting new seeds. Learning new things. Living a another rough draft of life. Shifting my perspective and arranging my stones. I read this the other day ... The Process of Attaining Enlightment is Ugly. And yes it is. Ugly and ugly and Pretty Ugly. You know why? Bc you have to walk thru the thorns. Over and Over again. Every day. The thorns are there to protect the Rose. The muck is in the pond for the lotus fower to grow towards the light. The best soil is made from the feces of the worm.So think about it. How thrilling is this all!!! Everyday is a rough draft for life. A constant effort to rebirth a better version of yourself.As a child, I spent a lot of time with Papi for school. While he was educating me I would ask questions to better understand stuff and it would easily seem as if we were arguing. We were loud. Him a bit louder than me. My sister was also naturally really loud when she would talk and Victoria is the same way. Papi and I would have friendly debates and sometimes of course not so friendly debates. But it would smooth over bc our relation was about learning thru feedback. He was very critical. His was job at work was to be critical and to make things "Better." To make us better thru challenging us. My sister couldn't stand it when we were loud. So she would lock herslef up in her room and never come out. Like a ghost, she would disappear from our lives. I learned with her how easy it is to supress things. And then she would one day just explode. It was very uncomfortable to observe her shut things out and then slowly watch them surface Monika means “recluse”, “alone” (from Greek “monachus”) . But she needed and is entitled to move her own way and to handle, process, and feel everything in her own time, not mine. I love her dearly and miss her today. Monica lives in England with her family.When I was 22 she came to visit me and we had a fight and she brought up something from when I was 5 (she would have been 6). And Wow, she supressed childhood 'Blah' for 17 years. The thing is it wasn't 'Blah' for her. It was a writing she wrote and I read it. I was learning to read. I remember her being upset and aplogizing, but to hold onto to it for so many years. And for so many years she shut me out. It was all just so sad. The passionate attachment to her emotion at the time and thru the years. I missed her not being my friend, my sister. It wasn't until Victoria came into my life that she was willing to put the puzzle of our life back together. If I would have known she was still bothered by it at age 6, I would assume I would naturally tried to make things better. But goodness those are such young ages. So my sisters Stripes are always about naturally supressing and mine are always about exposing and bringing life to the surface so I can continue to see things in clear view for what it is. We can choose to make things easier for us or harder for us. Her stripes are beautiful and she has taught me to tone down my challenge. She taught me silence bc I had no choice when she wouldn't engage with me. She taught me how to turn inward.She taught me I couldn't change our father, but I could change how I handled him. She taught me so much more.  All thru creating a space for me  to find balance between expressing and suppressing until the time is right. Until the proper situation or moment in time is revealed. I am forever grateful. Monika means “advisor” (from Latin “monere” = to advise).How are your stripes these days. Are you built to Supress naturally or Express?Do you allow emotions to marinate in stories of stories or do you step into your journey and peel the onion?The process of enlightentment is ugly and sad, it will make you cry. It will cut you with thorns and decompose old layers of you and like the fertile soil created by the worms poo, it is best fertilized when we allow the "crap" of our lives to be released of our physical and emotional bodies.Tis the Season of Letting Go.I am for every grateful Monica. & Thank you Autumn for holding Space for me:)~ MaktubClaudia aka Windhorse